ATTACK

Last night I think I had a panic attack.  I just got so angry about things in my life.  I was super frustrated, stressed about something that is going to happen in the future, my computer wasnt working, people were annoying, and it all just built up and I got sooooo angry.  I wanted to scream so much.  and at this time of course I was crying, being so angry, have so many emotions coming out, being mad at myself for being this way.  It was pretty bad.  I also really felt the need to hurt myself.  I was banging hard on my head, not caring that it was too hard.  I clawed my skin.  I slammed by head into the side of my bed.  I drew blood from scrapping my thumb nail over a section on my arm over and over again.  And in my head I knew that I was acting irrationally and that hurting myself wouldnt help and that doing anything would be useless in helping me express my anger.   It was bad.  At the last moment I called my mom back to be with me because I was so angry and couldnt handle it by myself anymore.  Of course a little after she was trying I got annoyed with her and wanted to be alone again, but I was at least kind of calm by then.