The Mentalist

Why is it that television shows sometimes show people dying on screen?  It doesn't happen that often, but I wonder what compels them to air something like that. 
Tonight I was watching the mentalist and at the end a man who had a terminal disease decided to take pills to kill himself, and they showed his last seconds.  A similar situation happened in House when Amber died after a car accident, and that got me too.  I am sitting here crying while I write, I don't understand how or why they show something so sad... I don't know why it makes me cry so much, but thinking about people dying and seeing it on television is sooooo sad.  My great grandmother passed away last year at 100 and she left very slowly, and everyone stood around the bed waiting for her to go.  I tried so hard to stay and be there for the rest of my family but I couldn't be in the room waiting for something so bad too happen.  I had to leave the room, and it gets me every time when people are suffering.

wednesday project

I found this WONDERFUL tutorial this weekend, and have been dying the make it and use it all week.  Its called a 'Make-up Magnetic Board.'  I found it on a cute blog, which you can find here, http://laurathoughts81.blogspot.com/2011/03/make-up-magnet-board.html

I loved it so much I wanted desperately to make one of my own.  Very proactive for me, usually I just dream about making things...  So the first thing I needed was a frame, and a piece of metal for inside the picture frame.  Upon reading that Laura had to go out and buy the metal sheet I thought oh man I cant make this thing... Then I remembered that a few years ago my aunt made me a magnet board with a picture glued to the
front.  It was the epiphany of all epiphanies.  So I took the picture off (that had been painted on regular paper) and attached by fabric with adhesive. The paper was a bit hard to get off, so I scraped it with some type of exacto knife.  Went outside, did some spraying, let it dry, and voila it was ready and oh so perfect.  I bought a great color for my room. 

And I wanted to make this so badly so that I would have a way to keep my makeup organized.  Well I thought I had way more makeup than this... But I realized some of it would not be attachable to the board, so I lost a good chunk of the makeup that I originally thought may have gone up there. 


Even if I dont have a lot of makeup, it was an excellent way to spend my day!

a saturday spent alone.

I went out this morning for some thrifting.  I went out to a nearby goodwill and wouldn't you know it was a half price saturday.  So it was busy, and kind of crazy.  But it didnt bother me too much, I was feeling very zen about the day.  After checking out the frames and household stuff I walked through the clothing.  I dont need more clothes, and I know this, so I didnt want to buy anything, but then I saw a very cute top.  AND it was a Michael Kors jacket! with the sale it was a whole $4.50.  So I had to snatch it up, um obviously.  Then I went around the rest of the clothing department, looking for professional attire, didnt find anything though.

I am so excited about this jacket, and even though we are headed for summer I am going to wear it as much as possible. This trip made my whole day! I cannot believe I found it and at such a deal.

These is on of the most annoying things...

You know what really irks me?  When my moms boyfriend is around and tries to be a father.  I don't need another one of those.  He gets over protective and wants to know all this business that I won't tell anyone but my mom.  My mom doesn't even ask me the dumb shit you do, and I don't want to answer.  Its annoying how I am stuck with this person and I have no say.   I am old enough to go out do whatever I want LEAVE ME ALONE. Stop trying to be my dad, you have your own children, go be their dad.

I am 21, and I know this is very selfish and bratty, but sometimes my immaturity takes hold and I can't help but feel angry about this.

Job

My TRUTH:
----
I am glad my job allows me to paint my nails in any way I want.  I dont have to worry about being 'very professional' and censored.  I had a st. patty's day theme this week.  Now I am going to make monster nails, like the ones below.  Should be fun!

http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/projects/monster-nails-my-version-of-cute-monster-nails

Shocker

MT TRUTH:
Can't marry my favorite television star because he is gay.  I wish I never looked him up on the internet, the fantasy is ruined!
:(

My secret

Today you get a secret rather than a truth

My secret:
I don't think Boog knows how much it means to me that I am always invited to hang out at her house.

If I didn't have her and them I fell so much more alone.

As you can tell, this is kind of a hard day for me.

Emotional rollercoaster

My truth:
I am an emotional eatter.

Yesterday wasn't really what I would consider a bad day, but I felt so crappy.  I usually work only two days a week, and for the next two weeks I am working everyday.  And it is kind of a lonely job, so I am not looking forward to it.  And because I am working so much I am feeling down about this whole week.  In a kind of depressed way.  Not that I am not thankful for working, because I am, but it takes some adjusting to get used to. 
So yesterday I went to school at night, and it was torturous!!!! just awful, about evaluation of programs... BORING!  then I didnt want to go home, because I usually spend all day at home alone, so it didn't make me happy.  So I decided to stop at safeway.  And at safeway I bought 4 doughnuts.  only a $1.37 too, pretty good deal.  Then I got in my car, and ate them as a drove home.  I eat large amounts of food when I am down.  Its like i have to eat until i am full to feel satisfied with life.  Ok life might be a bit extreme, but eating definitely beings to fill some kind of void inside me. 

Motivation

My truth: some weeks are better than others.

I find that some weeks I am completely motivated to be the best in school and at work.  Then other weeks I feel as though all of the stuff I am doing is not doing any good.  It baffles me that some days I am so ready to work on homework and learn something new, then for no reason at all it feels like a chore that I an unable to complete.
    Sometimes I am very intent on finding a new job, on that is 'professional' and that will improve my resume, but then I get depressed by my lack of qualifications and abandon my search.
    I don't know why every week is different.  This week I had a paper due, finished it after a lot of complaining, then for my next class couldn't get myself to read the material.  Now I am trying to finish an online midterm that I have had for two weeks and is due on Sunday.  I really have no motivation.  I am also not working much so there is no reason for me to leave the house so I get lazy.  If I do leave the house it is to spend money, which I cannot afford to do working fewer hours and getting less money, so I stay home, yet am unmotivated even though I have nothing better to do.
    NOTHING BETTER TO DO, yet I cannot get myself to put enough effort into the things I have to do.