epiphany

Wow, my new medicine is actually working.  I have depression and take medicine everyday.  Recently for awhile I have been not caring, being a hermit, not enjoying much.  Then I went to the doctor and he prescribed some oxytocin.  This is a drug that is supposed to reduce anxiety in many ways.  I remember when he was describing the things that it helped with was that it made you want to connect with other people, decrease irritability, and mediate some of the anxiety.  Well I have to say that in the last few days I have seen that I am wanting to connect more with people.  I am not being my usual really anti social self, which is good because being anti social sometimes makes me sad which does not help depression.  So I am noticing I want to be out of the house, which I am alone in most of the day.  I want to connect with friends more, via facebook mostly.  I am branching out and trying to get to know other people better.  It was a revelation that occurred to me today as I was finding myself starting conversations with lots of people in facebook, and beginning to interact with people in the blogging world. 
Its the small things that make the difference.

my truth

Nothing every gets done without deadlines. 

There is some stupid assignments in school, and if there were no deadlines I would never do anything. 

Darn teachers

I have my grades from my second semester of graduate school already posted.  I turned my 20 page paper in last monday, there are 15 people in the class, and the teacher had the grades up yesterday.  There is no way she read everyones paper and was able to grade it that quickly.  Why on earth does she make us write long papers to not even read them.  I guess I dont mind that she did not read them critically, but I feel like she probably didnt read them at all.

Mothers day card

I was inspired by the paper weaving 'The Crafty-Arty Kid' shared on her website.  You can check out her tutorial here

I started by collecting pink strips of paper.  I used my paper slicer to make straight lines, because I cannot do it on my own.  After cutting I got started.





 After making my pretty slices I used tape to secure them while I wove the strands in the other direction.  After this tedious task I had something really wonderful.





After making sure my weave pattern was big enough I added tape to the sides, then cut off the ends.  I had a lot of excess paper hanging off the edges.  I think it is pretty and didn't want to waste it.  So by some miracle I thought about putting it on a scrapbook page.  It looks like this:

And some day I hope to add some pictures to it.  I think it would be a good summer page, something with flowers and pool time pics.






This is what an hour of procrastination of homework looks like in my house.  Plus that papers not due for 5 days, so I've got time.  ;)

thruth time

I know why I am gaining weight.
        I have added soda into my diet.

Oh, but its so good. and the caffeine is always greatly appreciated.

sunday is not always sunny

I wrote this awhile ago but because of the title I felt like I had to wait till Sunday to post it.

Today I was hooked into watching a marathon of "The Fabulous Beekman Boys" on the planet green network.  They are pretty amazing.  Buying a farm to fulfill their dreams of growing their own food, making their own cheese, and almost anything else they want.  It's amazing that these two were able to make sacrifices to do what they love.  And it being a reality show, I know it does not show everything, but you can tell they have to work incredibly hard, and are succeeding in what they want to do.

So I was thinking today that I wish I could have the drive like them.  I have certain goals for my life, but they are not big dreams.  There are many things I want to do and wish I could experience, but they all seem so far out of reach.  I have ambition, like I want to finish grad school, buy a house, fix it up, maybe get married... But its the little things that really make me happy I feel like will never allow me to accomplish the things I want.  I find that I cannot keep my motivation up enough to actually see certain projects through.  Even going to school I have a motivation problem.  There are some days that I am go go go productive, then other days I have a list of what I want to do, but cant get off the couch to do them.  I really want to find something that inspires me so much that I will work even harder, and be motivated everyday to get the job done.  Since that opportunity hasn't presented itself yet maybe that says something about what I think I want out of life, like that I am not aiming in the right direction yet.

Being young is kind of sucky.  I don't have the traditional young adult life either.  I feel like most 20 somethings are out partying and making crazy choices, and here I am trying to plan the rest of my life, even though I really don't know anything.  But maybe there are only a few 20 somethings out there being crazy party animals (which is depicted a lot in reality shows) or taking the world by storm (and receiving extrordinary recognition becuase they are amazing), which may be why I have a warped sense of how I should be acting, or what the norm really is.

Learn more about the Beekman Boys at: http://planetgreen.discovery.com/tv/the-fabulous-beekman-boys/the-fabulous-beekman-boys.html

Movie Day

I saw Jane Eyre this afternoon.  It was a really good movie.  oh I love the old-time romance when love was about being intellectually compatible and was not all about sex.